Partner Recovery & Relationship Health

Empathy

2010-06-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

The author of Getting The Love You Want and Imago Pioneer Dr. Harville Hendrix just gifted us another beautiful blog on Empathy. In this amazing essay, Hendrixs suggests that "Since empathy is our felt sense of connection to everyone and everything everywhere,when it is intact, everything and everyone is safe.
When it is not, we cannot feel the otherness of others. Then everything and everyone everywhere is an object,and we can harm them without remorse,not knowing that we are harming ourselves."

I have been blessed to study with Dr. Hendrix and use his powerful teachings and tools in my work and life.I urge you to check out this blog...

Trauma Resolution For Couples Impacted By Sex Addiction

2010-06-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

The Institute for Sexual Health (ISH) approaches the psychological treatment of partners and spouses utilizing the Sex Addiction Trauma Model developed by Dr. Omar Minwalla, Silvia Jason, MFT, CSAT and Dr. Barbara Steffens. The Trauma Model recognizes and addresses the initial and ongoing trauma symptoms experienced by partners and spouses of sex addicts.

As a key component of The Partner and Spouse Program, The Trauma Model Workshop offers participants a unique opportunity to identify, share and process the impact of their partner’s sex addiction on their lives, which serves as a therapeutic and educational foundation for relational healing. However, while awareness is a crucial step in healing, it does not necessarily resolve trauma.

Check it out... I highly recommend it.

Imago Therapy Can Help

2009-10-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

In order for people to grow and change, Some conflict is inevitable. With the tools Imago Therapy provides, you can learn to welcome growth and change, and respectful conflict, because you get to fall in love all over again with your partner.

Imago Relationship Therapy provides all the tools necessary for transforming relationships, and it offers important, immediate relief.

When we remain unaware of the hidden agenda of love, we continue to repeat our mistakes. Imago teaches us that conflict is actually growth trying to happen. By resolving our problems through Imago Intentional Dialogue and other Imago techniques, the emotional bond initially created by romantic love can evolve into the powerful bond that is true lasting love.

Once we learn to feel emotionally safe with each other, we can grow and become truly authentic with ourselves and with each other. That's when we fall in love again with who our partner really is...And we are loved for who we are. Until...life being life...we grow and change again.

Treatment for Eating Disorders

2009-07-26T17:30:00.001-07:00

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Eating disorders are very much like substance abuse. Some individuals even suffer from both diseases at the same time. The substance of choice, whether it is food or drugs, is used by the person to try to control things in their life, or to block their emotional pain or emptiness. Eating disorders can affect nearly every demographic of people. It is commonly seen in young teenage girls, but it is also finding its way into the lives of older women and men as well.

Eating disorders are very serious and can cause both physical and psychological damage. Treatment is necessary in many cases when the condition has become out of control. Individuals suffering from an eating disorder may either be diagnosed with anorexia, starving oneself, bulimia, cycling between binge eating and purging, or with binge eating disorder, compulsively overeating.

Getting Help

The first step to helping a loved one with an eating disorder is to talk to the person. They can’t be forced into treatment, but if they know they have family or friends behind them that care about them, it will be easier for them to seek treatment. Eating disorders will usually get worse without treatment, and early intervention will make the road to recovery easier, so it is important to get help as soon as a disorder is detected.

Underage and Teenager Alcohol Consumption

2009-07-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

More than 40 percent of the nation’s estimated 10.8 million underage current drinkers (persons aged 12 to 20 who drank in the past 30 days) were provided free alcohol by adults 21 or older, according to a nationwide report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. The study also indicates that one in 16 underage drinkers (6.4 percent or 650,000) was given alcoholic beverages by their parents in the past month.

“In far too many instances parents directly enable their children’s underage drinking – in essence encouraging them to risk their health and wellbeing,” said Acting Surgeon General Steven K. Galson, M.D., M.P.H, a rear admiral in the U.S. Public Health Service. “Proper parental guidance alone may not be the complete solution to this devastating public health problem – but it is a critical part.”

The report is based on a nationwide study which for the first time asked detailed questions about the behavior and social situations involved in underage drinking – a problem responsible for the deaths of more than 5,000 people under the age of 21 every year in the United States. The survey asked persons aged 12 to 20 about the nature and scope of their drinking behavior as well as the social conditions under which they drank.

“This report provides unprecedented insight into the social context of this public health problem and shows that it cuts across many different parts of our community,” said SAMHSA Administrator Terry Cline, Ph.D. “Its findings strongly indicate that parents and other adults can play an important role in helping influence – for better or for worse -- young people’s behavior with regard to underage drinking.”

Among the report’s more notable findings:

More than half (53.9) of all people aged 12 to 20 engaged in underage drinking in their lifetime, ranging from 11.0 percent of 12 year olds to 85.5 percent of 20 year olds.

An average of 3.5 million people aged 12 to 20 each year (9.4 percent) meet the diagnostic criteria for having an alcohol use disorder (dependence or abuse).

About one in five people in this age group (7.2 million people) have engaged in binge drinking – consuming five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past month.

The vast majority of current underage drinkers (80.9 percent) reported being with two or more people the last time they drank. Those who were with two or more people consumed an average of 4.9 drinks on that occasion, compared with 3.1 drinks for those who were with one other person and 2.9 drinks for those who were alone.

Among youths aged 12 to 14 the rate of current drinking was higher for females (7.7 percent) than males (6.3 percent), about equal for females and males among those aged 15 to 17 (27.6 and 27.3 percent, respectively), and lower for females than males among those aged 18 to 20 (47.9 vs. 54.4 percent).

Over half (53.4 percent) of underage current alcohol users were at someone else’s home when they had their last drink, and 30.3 percent were in their own home; 9.4 percent were at a restaurant, bar or club.

Rates of binge drinking are significantly higher among young people living with a parent who engaged in binge drinking within the past year.

The findings from this study are being incorporated into the Underage Drinking Prevention campaign, an ongoing public outreach effort by the Office of the Surgeon General, SAMHSA and the Ad Council encouraging parents to speak with their children early and often about the negative effects of underage drinking. The campaign provides parents with valuable information about the problem of underage drinking as well as tips for how to talk to their children about it. Further information about the campaign can be obtained at: www.stopalcoholabuse.gov .

source: S.A.M.H.S.A, Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration

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Drunk Driving Safer than Driving and Texting

2009-06-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

Its official... believe it or not drunk driving is much safer than texting driving... the habit of texting while driving. So all of you texters out there this study is for you.
Recently Car And Driver magazine ran tests at two different speeds, 35 miles per hour and 75 mph, with two different subjects, a 22-year-old intern and the 37-year-old editor-in-chief. Then, the test measured the amount of time it took subjects to stop when prompted by a set of LEDs (mounted on the windshield). This was meant to simulate break lights on a car ahead of the subjects. Using that as a baseline, Car And Driver measured how much longer it took the intern and the editor to stop when reading a text, writing a text, and drunk.

The intern took an extra seven feet to stop at 35 mph, and 15 extra feet at 75 mph while intoxicated. But those numbers doubled when texting -- an extra 31 feet were needed while texting at 75 mph. Wow.

The older editor-in-chief did even worse. He took an extra 319 feet to stop while texting at 75 Mph, but only 17 more while three sheets to the wind. bottom line... don't text and drive!

Adopted from Switched by Terrence O'Brien

An Altar in the World

2009-06-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

From simple practices such as walking, working, and getting lost to deep meditations on topics like prayer and pronouncing blessings, Taylor reveals concrete ways to discover the sacred in the small things we do and see. Something as ordinary as hanging clothes on a clothesline becomes an act of devotion if we pay attention to what we are doing and take time to attend to the sights, smells, and sounds around us. Making eye contact with the cashier at the grocery store becomes a moment of true human connection. Allowing yourself to get lost leads to new discoveries. Under Taylor's expert guidance, we come to question conventional distinctions between the sacred and the secular, learning that no physical act is too earthbound or too humble to become a path to the divine. As we incorporate these practices into our daily lives, we begin to discover altars everywhere we go, in nearly everything we do.

Recovering Couples

2009-06-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

Addopted from the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sex addiction is a family disease. Both partners have been part of the problem and both can participate in the recovery process, individually and together. Couples who are willing to identify and to work through individual issues such as family of origin difficulties, possible past traumas or neglect, and the need for better skills to cultivate intimacy, can do well in recovery.

Couples who do well:

1. Have made their individual recovery a first priority,
2. Both connect with others through attending 12-step meetings as well as reach out to others for support,
3. Usually have individual and couple counseling to identify systems that no longer work,
4. Accept that couple recovery is a challenging and evolving journey,
5. Read books and employ audiovisual resources for information,
6. Are willing to grow spiritually,
7. Have a strong respect for a commitment toward each other.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

The first three to six months of couple recovery are usually the most stressful. Both partners will experience a wide range of powerful feelings. There are often difficulties in the areas of communication styles, intimacy levels, sexuality, spirituality, parenting, past trauma, and finances. Identification of the sexual addiction/coaddiction systems, although painful at first, holds hope for eventual relief of the far greater pain of the addiction.

The following is a list of what to expect in the early stages:

Relief: The addict usually finds a great sense of relief after admitting the secret of the addiction. The end of the double life and shame may bring a premature sense of accomplishment, which needs to be reinforced by attending meetings, going to therapy, and connecting with program friends for support. Partners and Spouses also feel a sense of relief at the end of secrecy and validation of their experience of pain.

Anger: Both partners can expect to experience anger. The revelation that the life partner is a sex addict may trigger much anger mixed with legitimate hurt and betrayal. The addict feels anger about the need to make changes as part of recovery. Both partners may blame and shame the other.

Hope: The work being done by both partners can bring new life and hope to the relationship. Both partners are encouraged to work in therapy and attend separate 12-step meetings as well as couples meetings such as Recovering Couples Anonymous.

Self-esteem: The self-esteem of both partners initially may worsen but with continued work will improve.

Intimacy: Recovering couples begin to communicate at a more intimate level, often on issues they have never discussed before. Communication skills such as empathic listening, being respectful, and expressing vulnerability, are essential to both partners' recovery.

Grief: The addict experiences pain over the loss of their "best friend," the addiction. The co-addict mourns the loss of the relationship as it was imagined to be. Co-addicts often berate themselves for not having been aware sooner of the addiction.

Sexual issues: Sexuality has a different meaning in recovery. The goal becomes intimacy rather than intensity. Abstinence, and later the frequency, types, and quality of sexual contacts, are issues that the recovering couple must address. Past sexual relationships as well as possible past child sexual abuse of either partner need to be explored. Where other sexual partners were involved, the possibility of HIV infection and other sexually transmitted diseases must be faced early. Couples who continue to learn about healthy sexuality will do better as they address these sexual issues.

Spirituality: Couples who grow spiritually together have hope that a power greater than themselves is also involved in the re-creating of their relationship.

HOW TO GET HELP:

A therapist trained in sexual addiction is an invaluable recovery tool for both the individual and for the relationship. Some addicts and their spouses/partners may benefit from intensive outpatient services or possibly inpatient treatment. For information on such services, write or call the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.

Addicted to Love

2009-05-21T19:05:00.001-07:00

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Approval addiction
An approval addict is someone that is constantly looking to receive approval or love from others in order to be happy. These people may be completely dependent on what other people, such as friends or loved ones or even strangers, have to say about them. Living a life that is so dependent on others is very restricting, and often this type of addiction is the root to many other problems in relationships.
In many cases, approval addiction is unfortunately a result of drug or alcohol addiction. Children that grow up in the home of an alcoholic or drug addict may develop an unhealthy desire to please others and avoid confrontation at all costs. Usually children of addicts actually learn to cover up their family secrets and sometimes are the responsible ones that have to take care of parents or other siblings. These individuals also grow up starved for love and attention. Kids that grow up in dysfunctional families will often end up being in a dysfunctional relationship as adults. An insecure person will continue to look for approval from others and their happiness is based on other people’s opinion.

For the complete story click on the share this link at the top of this preamble.

U.S. librarian questions origin of Serenity Prayer

2009-05-18T19:36:00.001-07:00

By Michelle Nichols
REUTERS
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Alcoholics Anonymous has used the serenity prayer in its program around the world for many decades. The prayer is “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
In the January, 1950 edition of Alcoholics Anonymous magazine The Grapevine, Niebuhr said of the prayer: “Of course, it may have been spooking around for years, even centuries, but I don't think so. I honestly do believe that I wrote it myself.”

“Reinhold Niebuhr was a very honest person and he was modest,” Shapiro said. “He didn't appear to claim anything that wasn't truthful, so I believe that he probably unconsciously picked the Serenity Prayer, he heard it, or read it somewhere and forgot that he had seen it or read it somewhere.”

He likened the prayer to a proverb, “often used for a long time before anyone writes them down.” But as for who came up with the Serenity Prayer, he says: “That's the big mystery.”

Getting The Love You Want

2009-05-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

When we fall in love, it’s supposed to be forever. We meet the person of our dreams and a magical transformation takes place within us. We feel alive, whole, connected to the world and the people in it. Before we know it, that magical feeling disappears. Disillusioned, our dreams shattered, we begin to feel angry and betrayed.
We try to coerce our partners into giving us what we need. We criticize, we withdraw, we shame, we intimidate, we cry. Some of us go on locked in this painful power struggle for years until we either break up or seek help, desperate to regain the magic we once had.

Imago was created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and is outlined in his book for couples, Getting the Love You Want, and his book for singles, Keeping the Love You Find. Imago is effective as a way to create stronger relationships, because it helps us become more aware of the way that we are all deeply interconnected. It offers insights into the unconscious agenda we bring to our relationships. With this information, we can begin to co-operate with this hidden agenda. As a result, we can choose to grow together in a creative, non-controlling, and healing way that creates understanding and connection.

When we remain unaware of the hidden agenda of romantic love, we keep repeating the same mistakes. We need to understand that conflict is actually growth trying to happen. By resolving our problems through the Imago Dialogue, the emotional bond initially created by romantic love evolves into a powerful healing bond that is real love. Imago Therapy creates a sacred space for healing and growth that can lead to the relationship of your dreams.

Internet Addiction

2009-05-06T18:49:00.001-07:00

Internet Addiction

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These days, there is little that can’t be done simply by turning on your computer and clicking on the internet button. Just like years ago when everyone in the country slowly added tv sets to their homes, today home by home is joining the internet age. Those that have been online for years now have learned that endless sources of information and entertainment can be gathered simply by checking out the internet. But with all that power right at our fingertips, the internet has become a sad addiction to many. For the complete article by Jared,click on the title above.

Improve Our Conscious Contact: Carol Ann Preston ~ Pause

2009-05-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Carol Ann Preston ~ Pause
Pause,
when agitated or doubtful….

Discipline is something, or my perceived understanding of this word was formerly something I avoided with great effort. Especially as it related to my spiritual life. I believed discipline was about control, rigidity that could only lead to guilt or an over the top perception of one’s self. Why then does Alcoholics Anonymous tell us that alcoholics are undisciplined, and that the first 11 steps is to create and support an effort to develop and grow into a disciplined spiritual life? And what does discipline have to do with the topic of this month, ‘Pause, when agitated or doubtful” from step 11? A simple answer to the latter is to ‘pause’ is one aspect of practicing spiritual discipline in our newfound spiritual lives. This is not an easy task, and I thought is might be a bit helpful if I looked briefly at the one thing that has always ignited the shadow of my soul with rebellion. And that one thing that I found is my misunderstanding of the word and the practice of discipline. Once I was able to move past these old ideas, I found my effort to practice this one spiritual principle within my daily affairs much easier.

To read the complete article click on this link:
Improve Our Conscious Contact: Carol Ann Preston ~ Pause

Sexual Addiction in Women: Causes, Signs and Recovery

2009-05-03T21:00:00.001-07:00

When a woman finds herself in the middle of a sexual addiction, writes Cheryl Williams, she will have moments of overwhelming shame and hopelessness. Her shame often keeps her from seeking the help that she needs. It is much easier to confess to one's family a food or alcohol addiction than it is a sexual addiction. Sexual addiction isolates the addict and could result in infidelity and betrayal on a very personal level.

Because of the difficulty in coming clean to family members in regard to sexual addiction, a woman often finds herself all alone living in the shadow of her secret addiction, and missing out on the family support she so needs for recovery.

For the complete article go to Sexual Addiction in Women: Causes, Signs and Recovery

http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/441050/sexual_addiction_in_women_causes_signs.html

Repairing partnerships: a Seabrook House therapist reaches out to couples struggling in recovery.

2009-04-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

Eddie Luker serves as director of family services at New Jersey-based Seabrook House, managing one of several specialized programs that the addiction treatment facility offers. After successfully shepherding families through the treatment process and introducing recovery into the family milieu, Luker began to observe that a high number of couples were separating after the formerly addicted partner had gone into recovery.

"I was wondering why this was happening in recovery--why didn't this happen during the [partner's] active addiction?" says Luker, who noticed there often was ongoing tension in couples after treatment had ended. "Part of the reason I realized was that the couples did not know how to relate to each other now."

The addiction had appeared to drive a wedge down the middle of these relationships, damaging if not outright breaking the bonds of the love relationship. Luker concluded that couples needed assistance working through early recovery in order to reconnect.

The result has been the introduction of two services at Seabrook. It has established married couples therapy and family counseling for families and couples as they begin the journey of recovery, helping them to address the common obstacles that occur along the way. It also has started quarterly "Couples in Recovery" workshops, gatherings designed to strengthen the relationship of recovering couples.

Typically, the recovering spouse (often male in the cases Seabrook encounters) initiates the couple's engagement in therapy. "They are getting on with things and they're trying to make things right in their relationship, yet they're coming against resistance from the spouse/partner," says Luker.

That resistance takes the form of resentment. "The spouse or partner is feeling neglected because the newly recovering alcoholic or addict is now developing all of these new relationships--they're out at meetings, they're doing this, they're doing that, they have a sponsor," says Luker. "It's an 'AA widow or widower' syndrome that sets in--now that they're sober, they're out of the house more."

This resentment is compounded by the fact that infidelity is often an issue that couples in recovery encounter. It is not uncommon for the recovering person to have been unfaithful during active addiction. "The recovering person is now at meetings, out doing things, so that adds another layer to resentment," says Luker. "There is suspicion--what is he or she really doing out there?"

Getting couples to overcome the suspicion and lack of trust starts with basic listening skills, says Luker. "We practice your basic communication skills 101: active listening," he says. This includes having couples reflect about and react to what their partner is saying actually, and stating back to the partner exactly what they think they heard their partner say, and having that validated.

From there, Luker works on helping the person in recovery demonstrate to the partner that he/she is committed to the relationship. "Often, in the very first session, I will ask each individual if they're committed to their relationship," he says. "If they are, they have to look at their partner and look them in the eye, and acknowledge and make a declarative statement about that."

Couples then are asked to go back and re-establish what made their relationship successful initially. "I will often have them go back and recall what is it they did in the beginning of the relationship to woo their partner, to win them over, and have them start doing some of that stuff again," says Luker.

Luker also employs a technique called a "love box." Inside the love box are several slips of paper with various love assignments, such as holding a spouse by the hand, looking her in the eye, and saying "I love you." These tasks are meant to be completed on a spontaneous basis.

"We're coaching them in ways to attend to and get their spouse to feel appreciated and noticed and to convey to the partner who is struggling that they are indeed loved," says Luker.

Each individual also has to articulate what he/she views as the problem with the relationship, and to be clear about goals for the relationship. Luker says couples need to find a bridge that connects them to a common goal they can pursue together. "Having that is probably the most important piece at the start of the counseling relationship," he says. "If they're here, they've lost touch with that and they have no idea what that is, so we have to take them back in time, flesh out what their dreams were, what their hopes were, and help them to re-envision the future for the relationship."

for the complete article by by McALARNEY, Brion P. click on the title or go to www.entrepreneur.com/tradejournals/article/194721451.html

Addiction and Recovery News: Teens and marijuana self-medication

2009-04-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

Check out this Blog... its filled with news and recovery-oriented commentary about current controversies, emerging trends and research findings related to drug and alcohol addiction, treatment and recovery.

The Truth About Sex Addiction

2009-04-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

A couple of months psychologist Jeff Gardere did an outstanding job of explaining sex addiction to The Early Show’s Healthwatch segment.

Gardere addressed the issue, “Is this a real addiction?” heads on. For more information and recovery resources for addicts and their partners check out www.serenityworkslifecoaching.com

12 Step Music Fest

2009-04-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

12 Step Music Fest... a campout for ALL 12 step fellowships will be held November 5-8 2009 at Sugarloaf Key (mile marker 20) KOA Campground in the Florida Keys. The entire campground will be closed to the public.

It's a mini Woodstock, minus the drugs and alcohol, but add meetings and fellowship! It is being produced by No Matter What Productions, a not for profit, 501 c 3 charity.

The event promotes sober fun music and harmony among fellowships. This annual event boasts floating meetings in the ocean... so bring your rafts and noodles!! There will be a 24 hour marathon tent for AA meetings, a 24 hour marathon tent for NA meetings, and a 3rd tent available 24 hours for sign up for other fellowships and special interest meetings.

There will be a children's tent with crafts and activities all day as well. The KOA has a beach and volleyball, pool and hot tub, as well as showers and bathrooms. Food and recovery merchandise vendors will be on site as well.

This fun annual event attracts tremendous musical talent and have bands playing on the main stage throughout the weekend.
A talent show for charity will be held on the main stage Saturday. All slots for the talent show will be by lottery and you can sign up online after you purchase a ticket.

THIS IS A DRUG, ALCOHOL AND GAMBLING FREE EVENT.

Addiction: Sobering Messages, Via Cell Phone | Newsweek Periscope | Newsweek.com

2009-04-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

When Tyrone, 41, can't make his Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, he relies on something else to help him stay sober: text messages. The daily recovery-themed messages from a company called I Live Inspired remind him to "look to my higher power for guidance, and accept life," he says, quoting a recent dispatch. I Live Inspired is the brainchild of Rob Foster, a 28-year-old former cocaine addict from Virginia who came up with the idea after his second rehab stint in 2006. A friend sent him texts about sobriety every morning as Foster traveled to work "feeling crazy." The messages made him feel less alone, so he started forwarding them to others on the mend. Soon a business was born: $3.95 a month for daily bytes of inspiration sent to any cell phone.

The Connection Between Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse

2009-04-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

By Jared, April 23rd 2009

A new technique that is being used among treatment facilities today is to look for and treat co-occurring conditions, such as substance abuse and mental illness. Another disorder that has recently been linked to substance abuse is eating disorder.

New research shows that up to 35% of substance abusers have eating disorders, and up to 50% of those with eating disorders also have a problem with drug or alcohol abuse. These numbers are much higher than the general public for each of these statistics. A few studies have been done in the past, but this newest one, “Food for Thought - Substance Abuse and Eating Disorders” from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University, shows a stronger link than was previously believed. For a link to the full article click on the title.

The Intimacy Factor

2009-04-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

Pia Mellody is known and respected as a preeminent authority, lecturer and educator in the fields of addictions and relationships. Her work in codependence, boundaries, and the effects of childhood trauma on emotional development has profoundly influenced the treatment of addicts and people with problems forming and maintaining relationships. She is the author of several extraordinary books, including Facing Love Addiction. As one of the pioneers in the field of recovery, her development of theories on the effects of childhood trauma became the foundation of The Meadows’ programs and is, in large measure, the reason for its success.

Click on the title of this Blog and check out Pia's 2003 article co-written with Lawrence S. Freundlich and learn how “Maintaining respect in the face of relational difficulties requires the practice of boundaries that gives us the gift of controlled vulnerability.”

Coupleship Recovery Recipe

2009-04-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Coupleship is a simple clear and succinct recipe for forming a happy, joy-filled partnership. Recognizing that sustaining and growing a successful committed relationship over time is one of life’s greater challenges; Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse suggests that Coupleship is the answer. Through her book she helps us achieve greater insights and imparts useful tools to:
• Enhance a current marriage
• Make a decision about commitment
• Explore ways to find a partner
Loving and being loved isn't a skill, it’s a learned process sprinkled with a little magic. Explore, learn and understand.
Coupleship is very easy to read and understand. Sharon gets right to the point and really helps you to see what areas in your relationship need to change in order to form positive and happy relationships. After all, who's relationship is not a challenge?

This book was the foundation of the couples workshop currently offered at Onsite workshops. www.onsiteworkshops.com

Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse is a nationally known consultant, educator and author Of 17 books, many of which have been translated to French, German, Spanish, Greek, Portuguese and Japanese. She was the founding chairperson of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics. As a family therapist she has conducted workshops around the world consulting with the military, school systems, business and industry, treatment centers and corporations. She is a past winner of the Mary Mann award as a top communicator and has appeared on "The Phil Donahue Show," "The Oprah Winfrey Show" twice and "Good Morning America." She is the subject of several DVDs used for training purposes. Sharon lives in Las Vegas. Sharon and her books are available at www.sharonwcruse.com.
If your relationship is on the rocks… or if you wish to improve your own coupleship… get this book and use it!

From Job Stress to Family Connection

2009-04-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

• Is it difficult for you sometimes at night to be fully present and calm when your mate or your kids want to talk with you (because you’ve got work stress and unfinished business racing through your mind)?
• Do you ever find yourself becoming impatient or saying “Get to the point already” right at the moment when your loved ones need you to be an excellent, patient listener?
• Do you sometimes get into an argument with your long-term partner or your kids because they accuse you of not caring or not listening, when in fact you’re just exhausted from the pressures of your job?

“You are not alone,” says Leonard Felder, Ph.D., author of WAKE UP OR BREAK UP; 8 Crucial Steps to Strengthening Your Relationship (Rodale, 2005). Felder has been counseling couples for over 20 years and he has found, “Those first few minutes when you walk in the door and get bombarded by screaming kids, an exhausted partner, or a series of domestic problems, are a “make-or-break moment” for most relationships. If you can find quick, effective ways to shift from the pressures of the work-day so you can be fully present with your loved ones, your home life will be a lot less argumentative and a lot more loving.”

Alcohol Awareness Month

2009-04-21T19:21:00.001-07:00

Alcohol Awareness Month

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April is Alcohol Awareness Month. Every year at this time we take a few weeks to consider the affects of alcohol and alcoholism in our country. Alcohol is one substance that can affect every age group and every demographic of people in some way. There are countless organizations and facilities that work to help people overcome alcoholism, and many support groups that help people deal with their loved ones’ alcoholism.

Are You Sabotaging Your Recovery?

2009-04-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

To grow in recovery, means growing up and overcoming a state of arrested emotional development. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts behaviors and actions that put our sobriety at risk and our recovery at a stand still. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes persist:

Confusing self-concern... with selfishness
Not working the steps and not making amends
Using the program to become perfect poster child of recovery
Denying intimacy problem... not getting help for relationship troubles
Feeling entitled...believing that life should be easy

In simple, down-to-earth language, Allen Berger explores the twelve most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery. He then provides tools for working through these problems in daily life. This useful guide offers fresh perspectives on how the process of behavioral change begins with basic self-awareness and a commitment to working an accountable daily program.

For the past thirty-six years, Allen Berger, Ph.D., has been on his own personal journey in recovery while helping thousands of others discover a new way of integrated life, free from addiction and its insanity.

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymousis Turns Seventy

2009-04-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Seven decades ago this very month... the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was published. When the book was written, the Akron group of AA led by Dr. Bob pushed to call it The Way Out and the New York group argued that it should be called simply Alcoholics Anonymous... The New York group won.

The foreword to the first edition of the Big book begins:
”We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book.”

For the past seventy years, the Big Book helped millions of alcoholics and addicts of all types and flavors worldwide to sober up and support one another through recovery, unity and service while protecting their anonymity. It is estimated that some 30 millionth copies were sold since the Big Book went into print.

Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in Akron on June 10, 1935 by Dr. Robert Smith of Akron and New York stockbroker Bill Wilson. While A.A. does not keep formal membership lists, it is estimated that the fellowship has grown to nearly 2 million members worldwide who gather in about 115,000 groups, including about 1.2 million members in the United States alone who meet in nearly 54,000 groups.

The Big Book has been described as a design for life and has been printed in 58 languages. The center piece of the Big Book is the 12 steps that have become the cornerstone of the A.A. recovery program and were subsequently adopted by any and all other fellowships of people who seek to recover from substance or process addictions the world over.

All successful addiction recovery programs are based on the teachings of the Big Book and all the recovering individuals and communities around the world owe their lives to its teachings.

InTheRooms.com Featured on NBC

2009-04-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

In the rooms was featured April 6th 2009 on NBC Channel 6 in the greater Miami area. In The Rooms is a comprehensive online social network for the Recovery community worldwide. In The Rooms mantra is H.I.T.C.H and its mission is to Help, Inform, Touch, Connect, and Heal those already in Recovery, seeking Recovery and the family and friends supporting Recovery around the world.

Interview of Ken Pomerance and Ronald Tannebaum by Joe Carter.

Recovering Our True Essence

2009-04-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

I highly recommend the book The Knight in Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher to all who have been impacted by addiction in their life... the addict and his/her partner, spouse or family member. Like most people who suffer from bondage of self, the knight's journey reflects every addicts journey... every partner's own search for her true essence... the struggle of wrestling with warped core beliefs... and the lies we tell ourselves. The plot is a terrific metaphor bringing to life the addicts discomfort in his/her own skin and their distorted perceptions. The Knight's journey is the story of recovery... recovering the values we all came into this world with.

This book is source of many symbols and experiences related to the essence of Being. Anyone who has ever struggled with the meaning of life and love will discover profound wisdom and truth as this delightful fantasy unfolds. The Knight in Rusty Armor is a meaningful book that will expand your mind, touch your heart, and nourish your soul. its ultimate message is of liberation from bondage of self... into concious living knowing that we all matter.

CNN's addiction special

2009-04-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

I encourage you to watch this CNN insightful report starting tonight. CNN’s chief medical correspondent and neurosurgeon Dr. Sanjay Gupta talks to addicts from all walks of life and levels of recovery, their families, medical researchers, counselors and even visits a “recovery high school” to investigate the latest science and treatments aimed at getting – and keeping – addicts clean and sober.

CNN Presents: Addiction: Life on the Edge, reported will premiere on Saturday, Apr. 18 at 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ET and PT.

Prayer... Meditation and Humor

2009-04-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway...
the good fortune to run into the ones I do...
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

12 Spiritual Awakening Signs

2009-04-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

Everquest Daily Grind: MMORPG Infinity (no beyond)

2009-04-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

Internet gaming addiction can be defined as a compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one's school or work environment. For the gaming addict, the game becomes a compulsive habit that completely dominates the addict's life.

Everquest Daily Grind: MMORPG Infinity (no beyond)

Addiction Recovery, Drug Rehab Recovery Resources Blog: Treating Addictions and Eating Disorders Together

2009-04-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

Addiction Recovery, Drug Rehab Recovery Resources Blog: Treating Addictions and Eating Disorders Together

Is Gambling an Addiction?

2009-04-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

If you are gambling and cant stop, you may fall into one or two categories: the pathological/compulsive gambler or the problem gambler. If your behavior becomes compulsive... if you can't resist the temptation to gamble; you may be running up large debts and damaging your relationships with your family and friends.

If you or someone you love has a gambling problem, contact Gamblers Anonymous (GA). There are no dues or fees; GA chapters are in most cities and can be reached by calling (213) 386-8789 or online at: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
3. Did gambling affect your reputation?
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible to win back your losses?
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar is gone?
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
12. Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble?
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty sleeping?
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?

Are You a Sex and Love Addict?

2009-04-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

According to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous liturature, only the individual can tell if he or she is physically, mentally, or emotionally addicted to sex and/or love. Going to several meetings will allow them to tell if they can identify with other sex and love addicts. Obtaining the pamphlet Sex and Love Addiction: 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis will help to evaluate sexual activities, romantic behavior, emotional involvements and avoidance behavior. The 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis are also posted on the S.L.A.A. website http://www.slaafws.org/

Addiction without Borders

2009-04-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

Very interesting story this morning on NPR radio by Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson about the rapid spread of drug addiction in war torn Afghanistan. Given the trauma many Afghans suffered... it is not at all surprising that many are turning to drugs to numb and self sooth. It’s absolutely heart breaking and sobering to be reminded that the "gift" of addiction is being handed down from one generation to the next...For the complete story please go to www.npr.org

Recovery Social Networks

2009-04-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

OneRecovery is a safe, anonymous and caring online community dedicated to helping people in recovery from addiction, as well providing support to their families and loved ones. Uniquely built by people in recovery for people in recovery, OneRecovery offers a supportive space for people to share stories, work on their recovery programs and mutually support one another as they recover from alcohol addiction, drug addiction and eating disorders.

In The Rooms is a comprehensive online social network for the Recovery community worldwide. In The Rooms mantra is H.I.T.C.H and its mission is to Help, Inform, Touch, Connect, and Heal those already in Recovery, seeking Recovery and the family and friends supporting Recovery around the world.

SoberCircle.com is a friendly and feature-rich online recovery community. It is a "home away from home" for people in recovery or those considering recovery, and their family and friends.
SoberCircle was created to enable people in recovery to meet and share through an online medium. The primary goal for the website is to spread recovery to people in need and to promote sober living worldwide. SoberCircle members conduct daily 12-step meetings that help hundreds make sobriety a part of their daily life by providing support and an outlet to release tension in a positive way.

2009-04-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

Judith Orloff, M.D., bestselling author and UCLA psychiatrist, invites you on a remarkable journey where you can embrace more happiness and mastery over negativity than you may have ever known. Our world is in the midst of a meltdown. She describes how to stay intuitively and spiritually centered in our times.

Dr. Orloff celebrates the exciting launch of her new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. She is treating you to an incredible book-launch one-time offer with special gifts from herself and others such as Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Dr. Michael Beckwith, and more!

To get the details to purchase the book and for your special gifts, visit:http://drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion

In Emotional Freedom Dr. Orloff states:“I’m presenting the unique process I use with patients to view emotions as a path to spiritual and intuitive awakening (not EFT). I synthesize traditional medicine with energy medicine to offer you new tools to master emotions and become heroes in your own life. Inner peace leads to outer peace in the world.”Publisher's Weekly’s review of Emotional Freedom says:“[Dr. Orloff] regards emotions as a training ground for the soul, and views ‘every victory over fear, anxiety, and resentment as a way to develop your spiritual muscles.’

”Emotional Freedom has rave reviews from Deepak Chopra, Dr. Candace Pert, Christiane Northrup, M.D., Caroline Myss, Dean Ornish, M.D., and Mary Oliver, Pulitzer Prize-winning poet. They call it “spectacular,” “a must-read,” “a heartfelt, accessible guide,” and “resolutely compassionate.”

In the book, you will discover:

• Four questions to transform fear with courage

• What your emotional type is

• How to stop absorbing the emotions of others

• How to combat emotional vampires with compassion

• The spiritual meaning of depression and hope

Purchase book and claim gifts at:http://drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion

If you'd like to liberate yourself from negative emotions and compassionately own the moment in all situations instead of simply being reactive...Immediately go here for: http://drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion

Nelson Mandela said: “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Help liberate others and share this announcement with them.For more inspiration and information visit DrJudithOrloff.com.

Will I Ever Feel Normal Again?

2009-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

As angry, hurt and traumatized as you... the partner... or the spouse may be feeling, there is the promise of a meaningful and fulfilling life after sex addiction. This promise begins with intensive work on understanding the impact sex addiction has had on you and that healing and recovery is available to you as an individual and as a couple. This part of the journey includes gaining insights, tools and understanding of sexual addiction and how to create healthy boundaries and changes in your behavior that enabled the addict in your life to perpetuate a secret life of compulsivity and recklessness. This is an opportunity for you and your coupleship to move from powerlessness and crisis to creating an intentional, loving and connected relationship.

Not all relationships can or will survive sex addiction. At SerenityWorks™ Life Coaching we believe that our unique coaching approach can improve your ability to grow from sex addiction and move forward so that you can have the life and love you desire.

If you are suffering in silence or experiencing pain or confusion about your partner’s addiction, weekly individual coaching sessions and support groups have been developed to help you gain greater understanding of how your partner’s addiction affects your everyday life. Here are just some of the topics covered in the individual sessions and support groups:

Coping skills to deal with the traumatic effect of your spouse’s addiction
How did I not know this was going on?
Who is safe to tell?
Why you are not to blame for your partner’s addiction?
Learn healthy boundaries; create safety for yourself and partner
What is codependence and coaddiction, do I identify with some of these traits?
You did not cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it
What if your partner relapses, do you stay or leave, what’s your bottom line?
How to trust your partner again?
Create long term strategies for successful growth and healing

At SerenityWorks™ Life-Coaching we developed specialized coaching programs that address intimacy and relationships. We also developed coaching for couples and partners seeking help for concerns related to intimacy, relational functioning, healthy communication, boundaries and differentiation and healthy dependency. Our unique approach uses an integration of methods inclusive of Imago Coaching, Life Coaching, and Intimacy-based workshops and psycho-education. We encourage and help people find deeper levels of intimacy with self and others. Our coaching programs are focused, innovative and aimed to move you forward in your relationship health.

Food and Depression: The Missing Link

2009-04-14T09:37:00.001-07:00

Food and Depression: The Missing Link

Medicating and numbing feelings of discomfort and dis-ease can be accomplished using substances or behaviors... the coping skills for substance addicts and process addicts are similar.

Sober Re-Sources: Kicking Depression: Recognize underlying disorders, tackle them, too

2009-04-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

Sober Re-Sources: Kicking Depression: Recognize underlying disorders, tackle them, too

Sober Re-Sources: One-Third of Americans Have an Addicted Relative

2009-04-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

Sober Re-Sources: One-Third of Americans Have an Addicted Relative

Addiction Recovery, Drug Rehab Recovery Resources Blog: The Hard Facts: Understanding How We Get Addicted

2009-04-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

Addiction Recovery, Drug Rehab Recovery Resources Blog: The Hard Facts: Understanding How We Get Addicted

Moving towards a life of joy and fulfillment

2009-04-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

I founded SerenityWorks™ Life-Coaching to help spouses, partners and families of addicts to move forward with their lives in early recovery. I am a certified ICF Life Coach, Imago Coach and member of The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH). After years of passionate involvement with partners in early recovery, I developed comprehensive coaching programs to identify and address the special needs of the partner, spouse and family of an alcohol, drug, food or sex addict during the first few years of recovery. As a result of my unique approach, SerenityWorks™ Life-Coaching provides compassionate programs, services and resources to partners and families that have been adversely impacted by alcoholism, substance abuse, food or sexual addiction to move forward with their lives and relationships. Over time, working with many partners, I developed a deeper understanding of the difficult journey that you travel and gathered the best coaching methods and tools to help you navigate through a very confusing and painful time in your life. Whether you’re ready to tackle the issue of addiction in your life, co-dependence, co-addiction, relationship or marriage head on, or still feel confused about where to turn for help, I invite you to Blog with me here and to also check my website http://www.serenityworkslifecoaching.com/ for useful recovery resources.